30 May 04

4 am

still working. preparing the notes for my student. ceramic history.

It's hard to be a teacher. And sometimes it's hard to be a human being. I felt a bit upset in my way back home last night. I don't know why.

14 May 04

I feel quite exhausted, both physically and mentally. 12 hours later, I'll be on my way to Shanghai.

Everytime when I've an exhibition, my weight would get lose. I don't know whether it's good or not but it do makes me feel very nervious (I mean the exhibition). I'm too excited or sometimes worry too much.

I hope May would pass very quickly... I should say I hope May and June would pass quickly.

I want to sleep on the grass. I want to look at the sea. I want to look at the sky without thinking anything else. I want to ...............

29 April 04

Most of the time, I like to bring my mp3 player with me, just to listen to some of my favourite songs whenever I wanted. Walking, sitting, eating ... I thought I'm living in my own world with my own music while other things, people are all become the outsiders.

But one day, two worlds merged and became one. It became a dream, a music video that I'm part of it, and, everyone and everything as well. My eyes act like the camera, shooting and editing. The songs became the sound track while all the people, buildings, objects, etc. became the actors and components. All those usually looks realistic suddenly became unrealistic and dreamy. I thought I was living in a music video.

Sitting in a restaurant, all the people were lining up in front of the cashier. Bright light with bright colours. So silent and so elegant. A woman was eating her bread, drinking her tea ...

then we heard "this is what you get. this is what you get. this is what you get when you mess with me." Radiohead's Karma Police

Wonderful!

24 Mar 04

i'm still alive...

All the politicans are still lying. All the actors are still acting.

19 Mar 04

Mr. Chan.

28, a policeman, the colleague of my brother-in-law. was killed yesterday in Yau Ma Tei.

I don't know him actually but today when I read the newspaper, I know that he's supposed to be a bridegroom very soon.

28. a year older than me... death is with us every minute.

THAT FUCKING STUPID, IDIOTIC DRIVER! GET YOUR FUCKING DRUNK! DRIVE YOUR FUCKING CAR!

I wish I can shout this out but I couldn't.

I keep updating my website, may be just to let you know that I'm still alive. One day, you'll find that it won't be updated anymore. soon or later. That's what life is.

18 Mar 04

I've got the tickets of the films that I wanted to take a look in the International Film Festival this year. haaaaa!

Matthew Barney's Cremaster 3 and more!

... actually, I don't know much about this artist (director) but for those who love fine arts, you would probably know who this guy is. Artist? Film director? .... Film? Installation?.... I've saw one of his installation work (sculptures ??) in the Venice Bienniale last year (pls don't ask me about the works from Hong Kong. No one wants to talk about it anymore.) and it's good although the presentation is not perfect due to the insufficient space available.

In fact, I had a chance to watch the whole series of Cremaster last year in London but... I missed it because at that moment, who's Matthew Barney??? (I asked)

So for those who're still making the decision, check this out.

Can't wait to watch the film! ... 3 hours....... ah....

3 Mar 04

I thought Chihoi is also a poet but in fact, he's not. I've checked this again and yes, he never write any poems before. That's my mistake. If I did check everything on his website, then I should know this.

He's my secondary classmate, but actually not in the same class. I don't know much about him until the last two years in the school. All I know about him is that he's a outstanding basketball player. He can draw?....probably but I'm not sure.

I'm sure he's a good singer. When I saw Chihoi playing his guitar and singing a Radiohead's song on the stage, I don't know why but I'm sure he's a talented guy. I hoped I can have a friend like him but, in fact, I don't know him, except his name. That's all, but, I'm sure we both know each other even we didn't talked before.

How we started our first conversation?.......... sorry, I can't remember. May be it's about Kurt Cobain. Even today, I seldom give him a call or send him an email but every time, when his book is out, I do get a copy from him; every time, when I have an exhibition, he'll also go and take a look.

In my mind, he knows everything, art, music, literature, film.......... I'm sure he knows much about these. Yes, I'm sure, and, that's why I thought he also writes poem. (such a good excuse!) May be now you would understand why I'm a lazy guy.

Yes, I'm too lazy. If "Interior" is not my work, then I'm sure (again!!) I would think that it's just a lovely pattern.

2 Mar 04

It's March now.

I still wake up around 10.30 almost everyday. Staying at home and making my stuffs. At first, I thought it would be quite relaxing but things get more and more.

Transcribing some forums, preparing some notes for students, thinking about my works, preparing my exhibition.........

I do believe that I'm a lazy guy. I don't wake up early, I don't 'work', I don't have a full time job, I don't have a stable income, I don't follow every steps in making a print, I don't comb my hair (sometimes) ......

I'm not a workaholic, I think.

but... someone told me that I am.... Yes, I like to do what I wanted to do and sometimes, or often forget everything. Lunch, dinner, food, tea, date, time, rest, music ......except the thing that I'm doing.

Yes, just sometimes, I hope... but please forgive me if I forgot to call you back. I'll give you a call in July.

13 Feb 04

I became a so-called teacher in a printmaking class... Life is different with what I've thought in the past.

"I don't want to be a teacher because I don't want to teach the others in an improper way."

This, I think, is a bit related to my past experience and impressions of my secondary school teachers. It's strange or may be not. You don't like or even hate what your mom or dad have done and you promised you won't follow that, but, in the end, you became your mom or dad and your kids became you.

I can feel the pressure.

29 Jan 04

Last night, False Alarm had a performance in Sheung Wan and I went to have a look.

7:45pm.

A bit late and the show has started already but that's fine. I walked through the dark amd found the place... O! Sorry. I've got the wrong one. Everyone was sittong on the chair and I thought they were watching a drama.

Yes, they were watching a drama, a drama about Hong Kong indie rock bands. All the actors were playing their guitars and drums, singing their songs ... Hesitated for a second but finally got a seat. Every actor was doing their best to try to entertain us although not all of them could. Two hours later, False Alarm stepped on the stage.

AhLing, Fox, the girl, blue jacket, glasses, power, energy, 5 songs and 5 guys.

They seemed quite famous.

But, in fact, I wished they were not at that moment. I wished they are the worst actors. Probably, the best actor of the show would be Wong Ka Keung (Beyond's bass player) and his band. I could heard the audience's "feelings" and their eagerness to see the band.

"Sammy is so handsome!"

Someone shouted out the spell and suddenly, the stage extended and covered the whole space. All the audience evaporated. Every actor stood up, rock stars were coming!

I remained sitting on the chair, watching the drama and left before the ending.

21 Jan 04

Sitting on a bench in a ferry and washing by the sunbeam ....................

I heard ...

I am the resurrection and I am the life
I couldn't ever bring myself
To hate you as I'd like ... (The Stone Roses)

I wanted to weep but I didn't.

19 Jan 04

Chinese New Year.

It's coming and is everywhere. Everyone knows (I mean every Chinese). It's a beginning of a divided period of time. "Joy" is everywhere. Everywhere is monkey. The Year of Monkey. (Why we have to feel happy about this?..... Is it because it's a new beginning?)

I wish I was just a monkey.

But please, I don't want to live near a Chinese community. All I want is just silence, and to live in a quiet place.

11 Jan 04

1. Recently, I've a new pair of glasses as my shortsightness becomes worser than before. (O!) In the first few days, my whole world has changed and I felt dizzy all day. Everything is twisted but is so real that it's even more "real" than my past "reality".

2. My friend downloaded some songs and gave it to me. I've already owned these CDs but I'm happy to listen to them. At the end, I've found out that they're slightly different and aren't the same. Probably, they're not the album version.

We see, we look, we buy, we own, we receive.................. we suppose everything we see, recieve, etc is the same as the others. Is every copy of a CD or newspaper exactly the same, I mean the content / information / data? (this's not somethings about the uniqueness of every unit.) If the information that we've recieved are not the same but we thought they're, then what would it be?

Gombrich has reminded us in his book "The Sense of Order" that the overwhelming information in the environment prevent animal (included human as well) to "scan" or pay attention to every object or detail and in order to focus on what might seen as potential danger, animal has to treat those familiar objects and happenings as "normal". " We expect things not to change unless we have evidence to the contrary. Without this confidence in the stability of the world we could not survive. Our senses could not cope with the task of mapping the environment afresh every moment."

I feel so insecure and shocked. If my own world or "reality" is different from the others but I didn't realize it. I think of the things described in Calvino's novel 'If on a Winter's Night aTraveler' (寒冬夜行人) that you can't really find out the so called "real origin". All you have is a scattered and mixed one and everyone got some fragments of it. Real and fake doesn't exist anymore or we can say that they've been mixed together .

I'm still not sure the copy of Calvino's novel that I'm reading is the "real" one or not. May be it's just a novel written by an "idiot" who stole his name and title and put it in Eli's home.

4 Jan 04

- These're some views about my secondary school and teachers.

You were a Christian but that's the past.

You studied in a Christian secondary school in Tai Po for seven years which is one of the famous schools in that area. All the teachers are Christians and seem very kind and nice to all of you. They'd try their best to teach you what they think is right. You believed them and the Christ, and thought that's the right way to live and act.

You wished life was just as simple as black or white.

You started to find out that somethings existed but were hidden. Your teachers were very nice and kind... but not to everyone, just to who they thought were good students.

You challenged or questioned them.

Why your hair shouldn't be too long? Why the eyebrow is the place where your hair shouldn't exceed? Why your dress shouldn't be too short? Should be long enough to cover your knees? Does it mean that your eyebrow and knee are the watersheds to classify a "good" or a "bad" student? Why they always punished you after you "broke" their rules the first time even you did nothing? Is that what a teacher, a Christian should do to you?

Yip, Lion Dog..... They're Christians?! but ...

You know that you're not the only one who have this feeling about teachers and you're not even the worst case. You know that someone you love is still suffering from this, suffering from what their teachers had did to his/her.

They knew nothing. Or they even forgot what they have done.

You were a shy guy but your indignation stopped you to remain silent anymore. You know that it wouldn't change anything but at least, you have to say it, express it.

For those teachers, especially secondary school teachers, you may not care or remember what you've done, but your students will suffer from these throughout their lives.

2 Jan 04

It's quite a big day for me. My website opens today. Though I'm not sure whether my friends would come and visit but I'm still quite happy.

Three months have passed since I came back to Hong Kong from London in mid-sep. I do like Hong Kong, the food, the places.... but it is definitely not a good place for artists. I've held several exhibitions after coming back but it keeps making me feel like no one really cares about them. It's just 'ours' business. May be we are used to it but I feel it even stronger after staying in London for a year.

I had a chat with Fox (false alarm's bass player) several days ago (X'mas party), it seems that not only the artists in Hong Kong have to face this 'problem' (I'm not sure whether it's a problem or not, may be, for the others, it's not, who knows. ha!) but other people (such as indie bands) do have the same feeling as well.

It's a big day... but just for me, right? but that's enough.