12 Apr 08

"You can't be that unprofessional!"

This is a comment that a "curator" given to me recently while we were having a discussion on the phone.

It is because I couldn't give her a clear or "confirmed" budget for an installation work that I don't even have any concrete idea on what kinds of work, material and installation method that I'm going to do or could be allowed to make or ust at the venue.

In her point of view, I guess a so-called "professional curator" only have to invite the so-called "professional artist" to make a work for an exhibition, and then, ask the artist to give her some ideas on the work, and then, ask the artist to find some production companies to have some quotations, and then, ask the artist to give her a "confirmed" budget ... and in the end, don't give the so-called "professional artist" any artist's fee.

The worst thing is the people that working at the venue don't give you any support, don't allow you to do this or do that ... and then sneer at the so-called "professional artist" when the so-called "professional curator" suggested that they could keep the work after the exhibiton...

That's enough and THAT'S REALLY ENOUGH!!

I don't think I would be a so-called "professional artist" in a city like Hong Kong.

After a new installation work that I'll show at Yvon Lambert's booth at the HK art fair in May and one or two confirmed events/shows, I don't think I would like to show my work here in the coming years...

23 Feb 08

My new painting

Detail, White Porn No.3, 2008

23 Dec 07

Work in progress - White Porn Painting

Dec 2007

12 Nov 07

Sorry for my harshness

I know that sometimes, I'm too harsh to everyone and even myself. I try to do things or treat people in a way that I think is good and would also expect the others to treat me the same way I did... but most of the time, it doesn't work and alsways make me feel disappointed or even angry ...

I don't want to waste my friends and other people's time, so when I have a meeting with someone, I would try to be in time likes 5 - 10 mins before the meeting time and wait a bit for them. But I don't know why people always late. Sometimes, they could be late for 15 mins or even 45 mins ... and when they finally appear, they don't see it as a problem or they have wasted other people's time to wait for them...

I really don't know how many months or years I have spent in waiting for someone ... sometimes, I feel like a fool.

Is it my problem? or I'm too naive? too idealistic? ...

Most of the time (again...), I would try not to reveal any conversation that I had with my friends to the others as I don't know whether they mind ... or ... whether it's somethings that they could only let me know ... (of course, I know some people would rather hope that I can help spreading the things out even though they pretend not to be, I guess you can tell from their personalities, body language or other kinds of expressions) ... I believe it's a matter of trust and consideration of other people's feeling. But of course, not everyone see it or treat it the same way like me ...

There's no right or wrong but probably, I'm too harsh and expect too much from the others or they don't know that I expected ... or may be they don't understand or agree ... or may be I'm too weird to be understood ...

13 Oct 07

"What irritates you the most in everyday life ?"

"I think the impoliteness and rudeness of people irritates me the most. Sometimes I really could not understand why people cannot be a bit polite and have to be so rude and impolite to other people. It is something very minor but, in my point of view, I feel a bit strange why people cannot treat the others just a little better even just in such a minor thing or aspect."

This is a question asked by a French journalist and my answer when I was interviewed previously.

..."

When I was in Zurich for an exhibition, I stayed at a hotel arranged by the gallery. I had my breakfast at the hotel. Nothing really special but it was a bit different in one morning. The place was very noisy when I just opened the door and it was already full of people. Almost 1/3 of them are Chinese and they know each other. From what I knew, I think they should be came from Mainland China and seems like students.

I could hardly find a seat but finally got one.

The atmosphere was a bit strange and I can felt that other people didn't feel really comfortable because of the noise. From their facial expressions, I knew that they were a bit irritated. I looked at that group of Chinese people like the way other people looked at them ... but suddenly, I noticed that one or two persons also looked at me in the same way ...

Around 15 mins later, only a few from the group remained at the place. Two Asian people walked in and I guess they also came from China. They were not very well-dressed or fashionable as that group of Chinese and also speak something a bit different. They were quite angry because they only got a little for their breakfast, so they asked for more bread, more tea and also more coffee, and almost wanted to take these by themselves ...

Then I noticed again that a guy from that group of Chinese was scanning their faces and bodies like the wayI looked at and was looked by the others 15 mins before ...

31 July 07

... bring down the government. they don't. they don't speak for us.

8 June 07

"Attempt at a revaluation of All Values"

TSANG Kin-wah, Litta Madonna, 1490, 42 x 33cm.

27 May 07

"Attempt at a revaluation of All Values"

TSANG Kin-wah, St John the Baptist, 1513-1516, 69 x 57cm.

8 Feb 07

The Flow

I brought a paper (my print) and gave it to you. You then gave me back another paper (a cheque). l went to the bank and drop it in but I withdrew some papers (money) from the cash machine after that. I went home and gave these papers to my parents ...

...

Would it be possible for you to give these papers to my parents directly without having me to bring one to you and get yours and drop it somewhere and take some other papers and go back home and give them to my parents?

... sorry about this

...

I put somethings into my mouth but later ... they come out from my bottom and never look the same ... If I didn't put them into my mouth, may be they would remain the same ... or ... decay ...

23 Dec 06

Home

Just came back from Tokyo last week. I've traveled to two different countries, United States and Japan, for exhibition and commission work in Nov and Dec.

I was in the States to make an installation for shu uemura and it took me more than 15 days to finish. I woke up everyday around 8.45am, had somethings to fill my stomach and then went to work till 6 something or 7pm ... had my dinner and went back to the hotel, watched some tv, had some coffee or read a bit, then went to sleep before midnight ... The weather was really good in California but it didn't make any difference to me. I had two or three days left in California after finishing the work. I felt much relax but at the same time, I felt really depress. It's not because I have nothing to do ... It's sometimes about my own identity or ... where I belong to ... Now, this happens again after the trip to Tokyo ...

I've mentioned this before but after traveling and visiting different places, this feeling is getting stronger and stronger. I felt so depress that even though I'm a Chinese and live in Hong Kong, I don't seem to be belong here. The gap seems to be getting bigger and bigger. I've been living here for about 24 years and my parents, brother and sister are here in Hong Kong. My home is here but ... the feeling of homelessness is getting stronger and stronger ... I don't have any interest to watch tv, listen to the radio, etc. anymore. They always talk about something that is really nonsense and meaningless. May be I'm too harsh ...

If I can find a place that could give me the feeling of being home, that would certainly be better but ... I still haven't find it ... May be the best way to say who I am is "I'm a human being living on the Earth or ... just on earth ... "

1 Sep 06

Back to school

I'm a bit free among these weeks. I eat, drink, sleep, read, etc and seldom make any work. Of course, some of my friends would know that I just finished another installation last month but I'm not very productive among these weeks. Most of the time, I wake up quite late, have some tea, spaghetti, read some books, look at the trees outside my studio ...

I'm not the one that do the same thing for many many years ... like making the similar works for 20 or 30 years. When you know somethings that you're making are "good" but then you would ask are they really "good" enough or should there be somethings "better" ? (sorry that there's nothing called "the best")

Even though I don't have much to do recently, something really "bother" me a lot. When I'm eating, meeting friends, reading books, having "fun" ... , it always appear in my mind. Sometimes I feel like going back to the time when I was studying in London and in fact, I'm in the similar stage now. Don't know what would come out after this ...

20 Jul 06

Twice.

I've bought Nietzsche's The AntiChrist several weeks ago and started to read it among these days. After finishing it, I started to read it again the next day and finished it again this afternoon. I don't know I'll start to read it the third time or not but ... It seems like Eeternal Recurrence is acting on me ...

Another book, On The Genealogy Of Morals, is on my desk now and ... seems like ...

10 Jul 06

Religion and Government

"Once the populace begins to reason, all is lost." - Voltaire

"472 Religion and government. As long as the state, or more precisely, the government knows that it is appointed as trustee on behalf of a group of people in their minority, and for their sake considers the question whether religion is to be preserved or eliminated, it will most probably always decide to preserve religion. For religion appeases the individual soul in times of loss, privation, fear, or mistrust, that is, when government feels itself unable to do anything directly to alleviate the private man's inner suffering; even during universal, inevitable, and initially unpreventable misfortunes (famines, financial crises, wars), religion gives the masses a calm, patient and trusting bearing. Wherever the necessary or coincidental failings of a state government, or the dangerous consequences of dynastic interests catch the eye of a man of insight and make him recalcitrant, the uninsightful will think they are seeing the finger of God, and will submit patiently to the directives from Above (in which concept, divine and human ways of government are usually merged). Thus the citizens' inner peace and a continuity of development will be preserved. Religion protects and seals the power that lies in the unity of popular sentiment, in identical opinions and goals for all, discounting those rare cases when a priesthood and the state power cannot agree about the price and enter into battle. Usually, the state will know how to win the priests over, because it needs their most private, secret education of souls and knows how to appreciate servants who seem outwardly to represent a quite different interest. Without the help of priests, no power can become "legitimate" even now-as Napoleon understood.
Thus, absolute tutelary government and the careful preservation of religion necessarily go together. It is to be presumed that ruling persons and classes will be enlightened about the benefit provided them by religion, and thus feel somewhat superior to it, in that they are using it as a tool: and this is the origin of freethinking.
But what if a quite different view of the concept of government, as it is taught in democratic states, begins to prevail? If one sees in government nothing but the instrument of popular will, no Above in contrast to a Below, but solely a function of the single sovereign, the people? Then the government can only take the same position toward religion that the people hold; any spread of enlightenment will have to reverberate right into its representatives; it will not be so easy to use or exploit religious energies and comforts for state purposes (unless powerful party leaders occasionally exert an influence similar to that of enlightened despotism). But if the state may no longer draw any use from religion itself, or if the people think so variously about religious matters that the government cannot take uniform, unified measures regarding religion, then the necessary alternative will appear to be to treat religion as a private matter and consign it to the conscience and habits of each individual. At the very first, the result is that religious feeling appears to be strengthened, to the extent that hidden or repressed stirrings of it, which the state had unwittingly or deliberately stifled, now break out and exceed all limits; later, it turns out that religion is overrun with sects, and that an abundance of dragon's teeth had been sown at the moment when religion was made a private affair. Finally, the sight of the strife, and the hostile exposure of all the weaknesses of religious confessions allow no other alternative but that every superior and more gifted man makes irreligiosity his private concern. Then this attitude also prevails in the minds of those who govern, and gives, almost against their will, an antireligious character to the measures they take. As soon as this happens, the people who are still moved by religion, and who used to adore the state as something half-divine or wholly divine, develop an attitude decidedly hostile to the state; they attack government measures, try to impede, cross, disturb as much as they can, and because their opposition is so heated, they drive the other party, the irreligious one, into an almost fanatical enthusiasm for the state; also contributing secretly to this is the fact that, since they parted from religion, the nonreligious have had a feeling of emptiness and are provisionally trying to create a substitute, a kind of fulfillment, through devotion to the state. After these transitional struggles, which may last a long time, it is finally decided whether the religious parties are still strong enough to resurrect an old state of affairs and turn the wheel back-in which case, the state inevitably falls into the hands of enlightened despotism (perhaps less enlightened and more fearful than before)-or whether the nonreligious parties prevail, undermining and finally thwarting the propagation of their opponents for a few generations, perhaps by means of schools and education. Yet their enthusiasm for the state will also diminish then. It becomes more and more clear that when religious adoration, which makes the state into a mysterium, a transcendent institution, is shaken, so is the reverent and pious relationship to the state. Henceforth, individuals see only the side of it that can be helpful or harmful to them; they press forward with all the means in their power to get an influence over it. But soon this competition becomes too great; men and parties switch too quickly; too impetuously, they throw each other down from the mountain, after they have scarcely arrived at the top. There is no guarantee that any measure a government puts through will endure; people shy away from undertakings that would have to grow quietly over decades or centuries in order to produce ripe fruit. No longer does anyone feel an obligation toward a law, other than to bow instantaneously to the power that introduced it; at once, however, people begin to undermine it with a new power, a new majority yet to be formed. Finally (one can state it with certainty) the distrust of anything that governs, the insight into the uselessness and irritation of these short-lived struggles, must urge men to a quite new decision: the abolition of the concept of the state, the end of the antithesis "private and public." Step by step, private companies incorporate state businesses; even the most stubborn vestige of the old work of governing (for example, that activity which is supposed to secure private parties against other private parties) will ultimately be taken care of by private contractors. Neglect, decline, and death of the state, the unleashing of the private person (I am careful not to say "of the individual")-this is the result of the democratic concept of the state; this is its mission. If it has fulfilled its task (which, like everything human, includes much reason and unreason), if all the relapses of the old illness have been overcome, then a new leaf in the storybook of humanity will be turned; on it one will read all sorts of strange histories, and perhaps some good things as well.
To recapitulate briefly, the interests of tutelary government and the interests of religion go together hand in hand, so that if the latter begins to die out, the foundation of the state will also be shaken. The belief in a divine order of political affairs, in a mysterium in the existence of the state, has a religious origin; if religion disappears, the state will inevitably lose its old veil of Isis and no longer awaken awe. The sovereignty of the people, seen closely, serves to scare off even the last trace of magic and superstition contained in these feelings; modern democracy is the historical form of the decline of the state.
But the prospect resulting from this certain decline is not an unhappy one in every respect: of all their qualities, men's cleverness and selfishness are the best developed; when the state no longer satisfies the demands of these energies, chaos will be the last thing to occur. Rather, an invention even more expedient than the state will triumph over the state. Mankind has already seen many an organizational power die out, for example, associations by sex, which for thousands of years were much more powerful than the family, indeed held sway and organized society long before the family existed. We ourselves are witnessing how the significant legal and political idea of the family, which once ruled as far as Roman culture reached, is growing ever fainter and feebler. Thus a later generation will also see the state become meaningless in certain stretches of the earth-an idea that many men today can hardly contemplate without fear and abhorrence. To be sure, to work on the spread and realization of this idea is something else again: one must have a very arrogant opinion of his own reason and only a superficial understanding of history to set his hand to the plough right now-while there is still no one who can show us the seeds that are to be strewn afterwards on the ravaged earth. So let us trust to "men's cleverness and selfishness" that the state will still endure for a good while, and that the destructive efforts of overzealous and rash pretenders to knowledge will be repulsed!"

- Nietzsche, "Human. All Too Human"

I used to be a Christian ... but I'm not anymore. I'm glad that I'm not. Christianity is what I believed in the past but it also provoked me to think about what religion is. I guess I become much radical in my mind and don't believe the so-called religion anymore. Religion is an anaesthetic. I'm not the government/state as mentioned by Nietzsche, so I wouldn't like to preserve religion but may be a bit more close to the opposite side that would rather prefer to eliminate it. Everytime when I watch tv and the Pope and the followers, I would ask "Is he the God?" "Of course not, he's just an old man ... but why he acts like a "God-in-earth" or the spokesman of God ... or may be Mary but not Jesus ... well." Many followers would kiss him and sometimes cry for him ... I'm just not sure if they have ever kiss their parents or cry for them. May be ...

If religion is going to be eliminated, then how about the state? ...

The state ... I don't like this concept and in fact, ... I don't really like to pay tax when landing on a "place" or to show my passport to someone that I don't even know his/her name ...

21 Jun 06

My Studio/Home.

Now I stay here and work here almost everyday. It's good that I can get away from the crowd. I can work alone till late. Birds, bees, frogs, mosquitoes, etc. become my neighbour.

It's good to live here and work here.

5 Apr 06

Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra ... well.

I went to see a performance by a Japanese Drum Master at the Cultural Centre in Tsim Sha Tsui, Hong Kong on this Monday. However, surprisly, the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra performed for most of the time instead of the Japnese drum master. To be honest, I seldom go to see any of their shows for more than a decade but in my perception, they represents the highest level of a Philharmonic Orchestra in Hong Kong and also have the most professional musicians in the city, supposedly.

The symphony they played isn't really a good one but it was not the most terrible thing I experienced. I sat a bit far away from the stage but I can still saw their faces and what they were doing on the stage. First, the conductor came out and stood on the small platform. Then ... he stoop down to adjust the direction of a fan (grey in colour, medium size.) placed close to him ... and then the music started. I think almost everyone can saw that ugly fan placed next to the conductor. May be he felt too hot on the stage and needed a fan to cool him down.

Every musician was playing without making any mistakes but it just didn't touch me at all. However, one thing that really "touched" me was when some of the musicians didn't have to play and were waiting for their parts, they were not sitting there but were "lying" down on the seats. One of them even "held" his violin near his ankle like a drunkard holding his bottle. I was just wondering whether I was really watching the performance of a philharmonic orchestra of a city or not.

During the break, all the musicians gone to take a rest and all the musical instruments were lying down in a messy way that looked exactly like a grave of the musical instruments. Then they came back and ... part of the platform almost collapsed while they were taking their seats. well... The master finally came out to have his performance. It was good but not really great at all. Even though his performance wasn't that great, one thing that touched me was his attitude towards the performance. He totally concentrated on it and from his gesture, his clothes, etc. you would feel that he was really performing, playing the drum, the music but was not "working".

While he was performing, the eyes were all on him except there were two musicians talking happily. A female violinist and the one next to her. It seems like she's the third associate concertmaster (master! well.) but I'm not sure it's her or not. I hope it wasn't her but ... what's the difference? ... it's the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra ...

But I should say that there's at least one violinist who was really paying all her attention on the performance and she's also the one that put the violin on her shoulder and ready to play almost minute before her parts. (a bit exaggerated, I know) I searched through the catalogue and found out that ... she is called Miyaka Suzukis, a japanese ...

I don't want to say this but is it something related to the racial difference? something about the nature of a nation? something that we have to think about but not just be a egomania or an arrogant idiot.

8 Feb 06

My life as a construction worker

My life was so messy in the last ten weeks.

I used to live with my parents and brother in a flat but suddenly they've made up their minds and want to carry out some renovation works for the flat. At first, I thought it would be some works that in a small scale but in fact, I was wrong. They have planned to knock down the wall and take away everything ... Yes, everything. the tiles on the floor, toilet, kitchen, living room, bedroom ............................... O! my god! (sorry for using "god") but the worst thing was that we still needed to live there while the works are carrying. It's unbelievable but we have stayed and lived in such a place for more than a month. To be honest, I've got so many things at home, books, tools, clothes, prints, cds ... and I used to work at my home, so ... I think it's better to rent a flat on my own and put all my stuffs there and also make my works there so that my parents could live a bit better. ha~~ Luckily, I found a flat in the right time and in the right place, just 10 minutes walk from my parents' home.(thanks for the help from false alarm's lai gor ang grace) So we have to move most of out stuffs to my flat and at the same time, we have to carry out the renovation works in my parents' home.

It bother me just a little if we don't have to carry out the renovation works by ourselves but ... yes, we have to carry out and make all the things by ourselves. Construction workers: my dad, my brother and ... me. Three guys to build almost a new flat. O! But in fact, most of the works are done by my dad. He was once a construction worker and that's strange that he know almost everything about renovation and construction. That's quite unbelievable as nowadays most of the things are done by a group of workers. We can called it the "Division of Labour" which means a worker is just trained to know one kind of work and works for just one kind of thing. Other works? ... ask someone else please. Electrician, mason, carpenter ... all just know one type of work. So when I saw my dad made almost everything by himself, I was really amazed and touched. For a long period of time, I don't really talk much with my dad and even think that he always stays at home and did nothing but just smokes, reads newspaper, watch tv ... (now, it's me who always stay at home all the time. Just drink, read, print ... ) ... but these weeks, we're getting closer and I started to understand more about him. I can also share his feelings of being a man. May be it's because I'm getting to 30 and start to think more about my future, my work, my family and even my savings ( $$$ )... It's really hard to be a man ... (I know it's hard to be a woman too but I'm not a woman, so, to be honest, I can briefly understand the things but just can't share their feelings.)

Now, my new flat is ready and I started to stay there when I have to make my works or want to be alone. I feel so great that I can work till late without disturbing my family and finally, I can put up my Kurt Cobain and Radiohead posters after buying them for several years. I can also put my guitar amplifer in my room and have some fun with my guitar. The most important thing is that I can get rid of the tv but ... I also found out that I can't live without music (or my hi fi) and my pc/internet ... it also make me feel like living in London again, the time that I just make arts, read books and listen to music. The time that's probably the most challenging and inspiring period of time in my life.

Three years has gone and everyone is aging ... one day, while I was talking to my dad, I suddenly found out that his hair is turning to white and ... he looks old ... really. That's the first time that I realized that my dad is not the one I know for almost thirty years. Now, he's an old man and I can also see that I'm not that student anymore when I was looking at the photos taken in London three years ago ...

15 Oct 05

Kin in Eindhoven, 8th day in Holland

Tonight, Eindhoven PSV is having a football match with other team in Philips Stadium. Yes, it's Philips Stadium and not Eindhoven Stadium or PSV Stadium. Almost everything is related to Philips, Philips Lighting. A Dutch told me that about 60% of the labour here is directly or indirectly employed by Philips and other related companies. The house that I'm now living in is also a former Philips' house for her employee (Wow~) but other interesting thing is that it's also a monumental building as well, not just one but the houses around the whole area. They wouldn't destroy them and in fact they try to preserve and protect them. The whole area remain the same for the last several decades and will remain the same in the future. The "history" of Eindhoven and the "history" of Philips will remain here in Eindhoven and Holland.

Is this good or bad? ... There is no such thing as good or bad and there is no such thing as right or wrong. There's only interpretation.

I'm just a bit curious and wonder what kind of "history" the politican, historian, educator, etc. in Hong Kong would like to preserve? The "history" of economy? The "history" of banknote? The "history" of Lee's family (hey, that billionaire in HK)? ... I have no idea. In fact, there's no "History" from the very beginning.

13 Oct 05

Kin in Holland

I'm now in the other part of the world, sitting in front of my friend's computer and visiting my own website. I don't know why but I just feel much more relax even though my show hasn't opened yet (in fact, I've just finished the set up after working from 9am till midnight for four and a half days) Actually, I felt much more relax among these days. I just have to work, eat, sleep, read ... do what I really want to do, read what I want to read and get out from a noisy place, a busy place ...

I didn't read any newspaper, listen to any radio ... almost know nothing about what's happening in the world or in Hong Kong. That's good for me in fact and I'm happy to say that. All I know is just to work hard for the show and make my work the best that I can make.

But in fact, I know a bit what's happening through the internet. My friend has just passed away ... I feel a bit sad about her but at the same time, I'm happy that she doesn't have to suffer from cancer anymore. Life is short ... may be one day, I (and everyone) will disappear suddenly. It's sad but may be it's a good thing to happen. Who knows ...

Sorry that I don't have any plan for my career or my life. I just do what I can and what I should do at this moment ...

18 Sep 05

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell i'm doing here
I don't belong here

She's running out again
she's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

"Creep" by Radiohead

15 Sep 05

When I was listening to a live performance (Oslo, 93) of a band called Slowdive, I heard a man screamed out, "I LOVE U~~!!!" to the female singer. It was so loud that I guess everyone in the same place heard it very very clearly. The singer hestiated for a while (I think she felt a bit embarrassed.) and said "You don't even know me ..." ... "I love you" the guy said again and she replied "No, you don't. You love Christian. I love anybody. I love myself." ... Then, she kept on singing again.

What is love? I asked myself. Can I love someone that I don't even know her? If I even don't know her, can I still love her or is it still called love? May be the singer is right. I don't. I do love her but ... may be just the one that is constructed by myself in my mind. Sadly (or may be not sadly), I don't love Christian and ... I even don't love anybody (who's anybody? ??) and myself. I hate myself but ... still not want to die (I'm not Kurt Cobain), so does it mean that I still love my life and myself?

"No, you don't want to die doesn't mean that you love your life or yourself. Dualism doesn't exist anymore after Derrida." "God" said to me. "May be you love ... nothingness? or ... you don't even know what is love. Hey son, Love is L, O, V and E! See?"

... character? ... physical existence? ... this means sexual intercouse ...?

... I see I see.

4 Sep 05

Feel a bit exhausted both physically and mentally ... I'm tired but ... can't stop.

1 Sep 05

Hell is not the Other

Sartre said "Hell is the Other" but ... what the hell is hell? If you said there is hell, then where is heaven? where is the God or the Devil? If they are all really exist, then they are all inside one's mind. Hell is not the other but hell is ME. Heaven is ME. The God is ME and of course the Devil is ME too.

"THERE is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy." (Camus) To commit suicide is not because life is not worth living but because the coexistence of all these 'things' in one's mind and one's body is intolerable.

"I hate myself and I want to die" Kurt Cobain said. Why he hate himself? Who told him that somethings are "bad"? Who order him to kill himself? ... Everyone is a creep in part.

Life ...

1 Sep 05

Did Karl Marx eat any lobster?

I had a dinner with my family several days ago and I ate just a little, not because I was not hungry but ... just too many seafoods. Sometimes I really couldn't understand why people like to eat lobster, oyster, abalone ... this kind of seafood a lot. It's not about do they taste good or not but is about why people want to eat them when they got money.

It's pretty strange that sea foods are also divided into different classes. Some are more expensive, preicous while some are cheaper ... In fact, what's the different between a lobster and a prawn? Size ... or other reasons? I'm wondering would they realized this and ... which one belongs to the bourgeoisie? May be the prawn. And how about the lobster? of course the proletariat ... why? Bourgeoisie don't have to do any physical work. They just have to write and give order! So probablymost of them are thin. haaa! Of course, all physical works have to be done by the others, the working class, the proletariat, and we can see they all look strong and muscular.

...

O! My God! O! I should say, O! My Marx! That's why all the wealthy men like to eat lobster, oyster, abalone, etc.? That's why most people want to eat them when they got money or have something to celebrate? To celebrate that they're not the proletariat anymore? or they got the money and not the poor anymore? ... O! Now I could understand why the non-bourgeoisie have to eat "prawn" while the real bourgeoisie like to eat lobster a lot. Does Mr. Lee Ka Shing like to lobster? may be not. He likes to eat all kinds of seafood, I think. yea.

Not sure how Karl Marx created his theory of communism and class struggle but I guess he ate prawn a lot but never ate any lobster. (he got no money to buy any, I guess ... but did he steal?) How about me? ... wait a minute, I ... don't like to eat neither prawn or lobster, so ... which classes do I belong to? ... O! Fucking Class. ha.

23 Aug 05

Chinese / Hong Konger / NIL

I know that I'm a Chinese and I'm now living in Hong Kong but for most of the time, I wouldn't say that I'm a 100% Hong Konger ,,, because I was born in China and then moved to here, so for some of the native Hong Konger (I mean those who were born in Hong Kong), I'm a so-called "new immigrant" or "新移民/大陸仔" (in cantonese). I can sometimes feels the distance but of course, I couldn't be a 100% "大陸仔" anymore (Our distance is even greater now).

I think the identity issue also bother most of the Chinese people who are living in Hong Kong, especially before the handover in 1997. But I guess they're now much proud to be the Chinese. Why? Everyone would says "China is now growing stronger in many aspects, economy, political power, etc. We're not "the Sickman of East Asia" anymore! We can now say "NO!" and even the US is also fears the rising of China. That's why we're proud to be the Chinese."

USA is the strongest power at the moment and I guess most of the Americans are proud to be Americans but ... do we like them? or do most of the countries in the world really "like" her? Why so many people would sacrifice their precious lives to kill the Americans or to destroy their country? I think some people would know the reasons.

It's not a matter of how powerful is your country.

China is now growing stronger and stronger but should we act like the US? Says "NO! NO! NO!", "I'M THE POLICE", "I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG!" ... but in fact, we're now saying "I"M RIGHT AND YOU"RE WRONG!" ... to Japan. To be honest, I don't like Japan but ... why? (I ask myself but ... ) I give all the reasons that what the Chinese government have said. Yes, they twisted the "truth" and they killed many many Chinese during the WWII (... but I'm still under 30 ... and why I hate them so much?) They twisted the "truth", the history and many other things but it seems that they're not the only one who did this. We're told by our government, by our leaders and by the fucking medias ... that we're the victims, Japan is the invader and the Communist party is the one who beated the invader ...

Is everything the same in Japan if I were a Japanese? I don't know ... but ... I know there's something that I don't know, something that the government and the medias didn't let us know or tell us. In fact, we're all the same, no matter the US, Japan, China or the Middle East.

I can really feel the power of the media. It's everywhere and it could make you die for your country.

When we think of the Chinese people, what would then come up in our mind? Yellow, Mao, kung fu, Bruce Lee, impolite, pirate, illegal immigrant, illegal worker, noisy, disunited, ... I guess these are what the Chinese look like in some people's minds and even some Hong Kongers are still having negative views on the people from mainland China. Why we have such a negative image? Is it a matter of the lack of education? (from the government and the media again?! thanks ...) or is it a matter of the quality of the Chinese people? (O! Racism? ...) I hope it's not but to be honest, I do see there's somethings that exist in almost every Chinese people, some negative things that exist in our nationality. We had explored and condemned these in the late 19th and early 20th century ... but ... we heard it and then forgot or ... we just don't care.

What we care is that "We're gonna be the master in the 21st century!" ... like the US ...

28 Jul 05

誤鳴再誤鳴 - False Alarm <The Time Is Coming>

說起本地的獨立樂隊，這些年來較為有印象而又能令我牢牢記著的，除了 Slow Tech Riddim 和 Site Access 之外，就再別無他者了。或許是我過份的挑剔，也或許太多樂隊真的不懂創作為何物，每每都是千篇一律，不是大玩典型的 heavy metal ，便是扮這個扮那個，無病又要呻吟，真是乏味非常。所以近年已甚少聽本地樂隊的音樂或是涉足任何的本地音樂會。

二年前得聞舊同學阿靈組了隊樂隊，友情上總得支持一下，而且也有點好奇，他們會玩些什麼類型的音樂呢？所以便買了他們的首張大碟“False Alarm”。初聽之時，那幾個“走走地的結他音 ” … （不是吧 … ）真令我有點不知所措。不消一會，原來是別有用意的。阿靈提及他們這張曲集的主題是關於“青春 ”的，而從曲集內的詞曲也著實可見一斑。碟?的大部份歌曲，都是些旋律動聽、結他強勁的作品，各方配合恰到好處，沒有任何過度的偏側，所以亦較為容易「入耳」，難怪 MCB 曾將他們寄喻為本地 Indie-Pop 的新希望，這是不無道理的看法。而細嚼歌詞，其實也發現不少是時下年青人的現實寫照，不是愛、性、便是身處的空虛與無奈。“I say I love you then I fuck you”“it can be your fucking paradise”“no one teaches me, no one loves me … my life becomes vanishing, as the slave of darkness” … 　這或多或少也反映出他們和這一代年青人的心態，既無助、灰暗，卻又率性而為、無悔青春、只管去愛（和做愛）。整張曲集，無論是音樂的部份或是歌詞部份，處處都表現出那種初生之犢不畏虎的感覺，“ Youth, Love, Fire”（剛好印著在歌詞內的首頁） 開宗明義而又簡單直接 。

相隔一年多的時間，他們再次誤鳴，出版了第二張專輯“ The Time Is Coming”。事實上我對它是有些寄望的。一部份是由於首張曲集，在沒有期望的情況之下出奇地醒神和討好（當然不是指香港普羅大眾的討好，請大家不要奢望，也不要妄想）；另一方面也是由於個人的偏愛之故。老是想知道他們會否變、會否長大、會玩些什麼 … 在一次偶然的機會下，聽了大部份歌曲的 Demo ，但不知是環境嘈雜的關係，還是音質仍然粗糙之故，聽罷後卻讓我有點不知所措和點點失望，總覺得作品在連貫上出了問題，另一個原因也許是歌曲確實讓我有點點「一時消化不來」。

可以說“ The Time Is Coming”才是他們真正的“第一張專輯 ”，而不像處女大碟那種曲“集 ”的模式，將過往數年的作品結集而成，但在感覺上二者仍是頗一致的。我所說的一致，當然不是指碟內歌曲的音樂部份，所指的是大碟在包裝設計以及歌詞結合而帶動的那種感覺方面。（抱歉因為我是所謂的視藝人，所以會留意這方面多一點）有一點令我頗留意和有點相近的，是碟內照片的色感部份：同樣是海灘的地點，而同樣在色彩上都是有一種灰暗、漆黑和低沉的感覺。（當然有樂評人已道出了“ 封面主角終於下海 ”或“黃昏之後的迷失意境” 等說法；而說實的，處女作確是有點偏 “ 灰 ”，但卻並不藏 “ 暗 ” ）這種感覺正正切合了、也反映了他們在歌詞方面所表現的那種潛在心態和意境。在“ The Time Is Coming”內的照片，所呈現的更是一個失真而又色彩奇異的世界（這著實要歸功結他手阿禮和他的相機）。

說回歌曲，開首的歌曲“Youth, Love and Fire”正正是處女大碟內的字句，此刻再度出現，可想而知這對他們（這五位人兄）的重要性，說不定便是他們現時思想的中心。碟內有些的歌曲可以說是承接了上張曲集的風格，如“Big J”所表現的短小精幹和強勁的結他聲效；“ The Hyper” 是典型流麗 Ballad 的極好示範，異常動聽；“Give Me More”又是他們一向狂野表現的重溫，令人想起 “Biological”， 不過前者則更為有意地著重聲音的大與小、靜與狂的變化探究。另一方面，一個原因令我在首次聽畢整張大碟後卻又不會立即喜歡，是由於它們已不再完全是什麼 3 minutes pop songs 。雖然不像上張曲集那樣，樂隊成員包辦所有的歌詞創作，但誰又會介意呢？更何況絕無半點格格不入之處。整體曲歌的結合，帶來了某種沉思性和灰暗的沉鬱感與氛圍。

音樂結構部份，不難發現一項頗為明顯的特點，便是拼貼手法間歇的出現和運用。“Even the Greatest Stars”中段像穿透時空、由 The Bad Tree 負責的讀白部份；“Dark Room”在一輪急勁結他後，急轉來一個柔麗的合唱、唱著大碟的主題 The Time is Coming；“Sirvana”在扮 Site Access 和 Nirvana 之餘，又「偷」來手提電話的鈐聲，弄得我不知所措，還以為是那?來的手電在騷擾著本座的「雅興；至於“ 淚眼煞星 ”在結構上，則更為複雜：先是阿禮一輪懶洋洋的唱詞和結他、再而承接強勁結他聽響、返回原首而層遞上揚、但其間卻又找來結他和 Bass 輪流地報上名來、瘋狂完後則回覆到一段為時過半的平淡安寧。這種音樂上的拼貼和結構上的鑽究，讓我想起 Radiohead“Paranoid Android”在音樂結構上的拼貼和黏合，或許有點牽強，但這在某個程度上確是存有類近的地方。正 如前段中所言，聲音的大與小、靜與狂的變化和結合、氛圍性的營造，可以說便是整張大蹀音樂部份的中心思想 (相信他們是也是有這一意圖的）。

碟內部份的作品，明顯地是以音樂結構的探索為主的，正如“ 淚眼煞星 ”和“Give Me More”便是相當好的例子，二者的歌詞部份只是寥寥的幾句；當然，其中亦有頗多的作品是著重歌詞和音樂的連結的，例如“Even the Greatest Stars”談討生離死別、精神長存等的題目，配以上文所言的拼貼式音樂結構和讀白，隱喻所謂的彼岸、天堂或是什麼烏托邦世界，效果異常，手法也頗為恰當。

False Alarm 本身是有些其他樂隊所欠缺的優勢的，我所指的是在主唱部份。樂隊中的主唱由三位結他手負責，包括 Billy 、阿靈與阿禮，而據我所知，其實低音結他手狐狸的歌喉也是不俗的。在這種情況下，確實讓他們有更大的空間，找來恰當的聲音演繹不同感覺的歌曲。正如阿靈較多地負責一些狂放的歌曲，例子便有 “Biological” 、 “Give Me More” ；阿禮的，卻是些散慢洋洋、輕弱的感覺和歌曲；至於 Billy 則算是當中較為「正路」的了，唱起“ The Hyper” 確是「感覺良好」 ( 沒有任何貶意的 ) 。當然有些是因為「作者自負」之故，但這種多個主唱的情況，明顯地為他們帶來了不少好處。 ( 試想想至 Rock 既周國賢或黃家強唱起 “Biological” 、 “Give Me More” 等歌來，那 … 會是什麼樣的感覺呢 …)

False Alarm 確實是沉著了，在考慮歌曲的個別性之餘，亦重視整體的配合以營造所想的氛圍感覺，當然它並不是什麼所謂的驚世之作（要是有人這樣說，那真是獨具慧眼了）。 平心而論， False Alarm 的專輯和現場演出 ( 雖也偶有失誤的時候 ) ，比較起其他的本地樂隊，確是勝人一籌。起碼他們會成長、會思考、會率性而為 … 大頭佛？ Pixel Toy ？ 假音人？ At 17 ？！ Picasso Horses ？！至 Rock 的 周國賢 ？！ …… 謝謝了、謝謝了 … 真的是謝謝了 … “The Time Is Coming” 已成過去了的往事，正如是次大碟題目所言，著眼處應是他們下一張的大碟，會是什麼樣的呢？ 會有什麼音樂實驗呢？ The Time 尚未來到，可，望是快將到來。

17 Jul 05

If a govenment don't really speak for the people;

If a government don't know or don't want to preserve our culture and in fact, she tries her best to destroy our precious culture;

If a government tries to shape us and our society to an inhuman, superficial and materialistic machine/monster;

then ...

why don't we bring down the government, bring down this idiotic, naive and inhuman government and the civil servants.

Protect our culture and protect our culture for our kids and the others.

16 Jul 05

"Duchamp II'

Last wednesday, I went to the art museum of Hong Kong. I don't often go there since there're actually not much interesting shows and also the duration of a show is quite long. Anyway, I knew Xu Bing's work is now showing, so just went to have a look. (In fact, I saw this about 1 or 2 years ago in the same venue and it's still great.) Besides this, not much works impressed me.

After that, I went to another hall in the same floor where shows quite a large number of works of a Hong Kong's older generation artist. When I was walking towards a small sculpture made, a father came close with his kid. The kid said " O! It's a stone!" well, his dad replied " No. It's a painting.". But within a second, "It's a stone!" and then "It's a painting." Then they stopped and I walked away.

In fact, both of them seem don't mind what the other said but just kept expressing their views on this piece of "art".

To my point of view, that's a sculpture but for them that's a painting or may be a stone but ... I just wonder is that or could that really be a painting? or a stone?

Duchamp found a urinal and said it's a fountain and of course he found lots of things/objects and called them art. What made Duchamp such an important artist in the history of art is that he changed the way we look at art and non-art object and showed the sigificance of the role of the artist. Artist seems like the God. "This's a piece of art!" and then it became art. But ... who knew who's Duchamp before the 60s (B! His dad, mom, brothers and a small number of artists and collectors.) and who gave the power to the artist? ... (Don't tell me it's God.)

What the father and kid did is exactly the same with the artists. One say something and the other say some different. I don't really think they are very ignorant and know nothing about art and in fact, their conversation is quite inspirational. If the one who gave the power to the artist is kind enough and willing to give the power to him, I'm sure he'll change the art world! (too exaggerate? who knows.)

He'll become Duchamp II. He's Duchamp.

10 Jul 05

Thanks a lot

I went to Macau last week for about three days. Not to have fun but to take a rest and get out of Hong Kong, this fucking city. (sorry for my dirty word.)

Sometimes I really couldn't understand why the Hong Kong government and the civil servants are so stupid and naive. All they know is about money, business, skyscraper and ... procedure. They seems don't know what culture and history mean. What they want is to knock down all the old buildings, trees, tai pai tong (old style "restaurant") ... and then build all the fucking skyscrapers, shopping malls ... all the modern stuffs. From the slogan of the West Kowloon Cultural Project " 創地標" (create landmark), I can understand what they want and the purpose? of course is to attract more tourists and well! Money$$$ again. ($!~~ Hong Kong people.)

The Antiquities and Monuments Office let us know that no matter how old are the trees (even a hundred or a thousand years old), they are not antiquities and monuments and of course, no value at all. That means we can knock them down through certain "procedure" or just may be just trim them. (of course, don't knock them down but just trim and remember! to leave an inch. Then, you won't break any laws in any case. YEAH!) So what they would protect? Historial buildings. Take away all the things inside and remain the outer part of the buildings. Save money, save our culture and attract more tourists. But of course, they would decide which is a historial building from their "professional" point of view. I guess IFC or may be Langham Place may soon become one of them. may be. who knows.

I'm glad that Macau is not the same with Hong Kong. It's small, much simple (except the casino) and seems really willing to preserve their culture. I can see some people are still living in a very old style way in some very old style buildings in some old style streets. Of course, I guess some of the reasons are also related to the money issue or to attract the tourists but at least, they know which parts are more important, know their values and meanings, I hope.

I should say thanks to the British. Thank you for not landing on Macau, otherwise, it would become part of Hong Kong now. Thank you very much indeed!

29 Jun 05

My Fucking Temper

My house is full of people now. I should say, it's back to 'normal' now but at the same time, my temper start to lose again. I always want to be alone in my house so that I can turn off the annoying tv and turn on my hi-fi. I can do my work, I can paint or even walk around a little bit (my house is small but I like to walk from here to there again and again.) (I suddenly remember one of Van Gogh's painting, a group of patients walking in circle.)

May be I really don't want to be in a crowd. That's why I try not to go to Mong Kok or Causeway Bay which are always full of people not only in the weekend but in everyday and in every min. God! (sorry! Forgot that God has dead.) I would definitely lose my temper, shout at the people and "f***********" (just in my mind) (may be now you can understand why I use swear words all the time.)